Where Are They Ner? (June)

Ever wonder where that one prospect who never panned out ended up? What that one reliever you used to hate is doing now? We could tell you.

In every off-day newsletter, Mariner Muse takes a look at where old Mariners are these days - but with a slightly unique approach. First, we take a look at when they were on the Mariners, then at what their best moment as a Ner was. Third, we make a collective guess at what their life is like now…and then finally, we research (and reveal) where the once-upon-a-Ner is now. At the end of every month, we will release each that were examined in previous newsletters.

Here are the Where Are They Ners from the past three MM newsletters:

Kazuhiro Sasaki | Closer

Ner From: 2000-2003

Best Ner Moment: Kazuhiro was the closer for the 2001 squad that dominated the league and our hearts. His split-finger fastball was appropriately nicknamed “The Fang,” and was absolutely nasty. He posted 45 saves that year, made the All-Star game and finished 19th in MVP voting. But the best moment has to be when he closed out win 116 by striking out Alex Rodriguez with a split in the dirt that Dan Wilson somehow caught. Suck it A-Rod. Go Kaz.

Where MM Guessed He Is Ner: When I think of Kazuhiro Sasaki I can only think of the contrast between him and Ichiro. Sasaki was much louder and outgoing than the reserved outfielder, but I imagine once the competitive juices began to ebb, Sasaki got back to his roots and became a simple farmer. Instead of the bright lights of Safeco and the pumping bass of “Zombie Nation” blasting through the PA system, he now enjoys a nice summer breeze over his fields and tending to his chickens, all of which are named after MLB batters he once struck out.

Where He Actually is Ner: I wish I was creative enough to come up with any of this, and it is way better than being a farmer. But since leaving the Ners in 2003, Kazuhiro has had an extramarital affair with Japanese model/actress Kanako Enomoto, who is 13 years younger than him (and a total bombshell), became a partial owner of a Japanese auto racing team, and produced a techno music album called “Break New Ground,” for which he sang lead vocals. (I swear I am not making this up). Also, the techno album isn’t trash (I might have made that up). You can listen to it here.

Luis Sojo | Infielder

Ner From: 1994-1996

Best Ner Moment: Undoubtedly the “Everybody Scores!” at-bat in the 1995 one-game playoff against the Angels. Randy Johnson spun gold on the hill in this one, but the M's had just a 1-0 lead going into the bottom of the 7th inning. With the bases loaded, starting shortstop Luis Sojo poked a broken-bat trickler down the right-field line. The ball wedged itself beneath the bullpen seats (the on-field ‘Pen was akin to the one in Oakland now), and a couple of bad relay throws allowed all the runners – including Sojo – to reach home, prompting what is perhaps Rick Rizzs' best call ever: "Everybody scores!" (Link here; FFWD to 0:45...or just watch the whole, beautiful thing). Sojo's fumbling chug around third and visceral squat-and-scream (left) after scoring is indicative of the moment, as the Ners blew the game open and went on to play in their first ever postseason.

Where MM Guessed He Is Ner: Sojo enjoyed success with the Ners, but made his career after leaving Seattle and winning 4 rings with the New York Yankees (ugh). Being a Petare, Venezuela native, our guess is Sojo is now working for the Venezuelan government as a deputy assistant to the president. True to his position as a utility man in baseball, he now works as a utility coordinator, focusing on the ‘Oil Curse’ and trying to maintain sustainable oil production for a country that needs to profit from such an export. Needless to say, he wears his World Series rings at all times, always reminding people that still he can do it all.

Where He Actually Is Ner: Luis Sojo did not head back home for his after-playing days to try and save the oil crises in South America. Instead, he has remained in the New York Yankees organization since retiring in 2002. Sojo worked as the Yankees 3rd base coach in 2004 and 2005, before managed the Class A Advanced Tampa Yankees and AAA Scranton/Wilkes-Barre Rail Riders with middling success. He also coached the 2006, 2009, and 2013 Venezuelan National Teams in the WBC. Currently, he’s an assistant field coordinator with the Yankees.

Charles Gipson | Outfielder

Ner from: 1998-2992

Best Ner Moment: Gipson specialized in late game heroics, either on the base paths or in the outfield. On September 10, 2001, in a 5-1 game against the Angels, he turned a Tim Salmon double that would have scored two into a game-ending diving play, saving Arthur Lee Rhodes from a tough outing and locking up win #104 for the 2001 Ners.

Where MM Guessed He Is Ner: This could go many ways: Gipson was known for speed, defense, and being clutch…whatever that means. Our guess? Postmates delivery driver. Hear me out on this: who do you want delivering your late night Thai food, Charles Gipson or Milton Bradley? Gipson would get it to you fast, he would get you exactly what you ordered and he would be reliable. Bradley, I imagine, would forget the crab rangoon, blame the restaurant for making him late and you’d always wonder if he took a bite of your pad see uw.

Where He Actually Is Ner: Charles has done some moving up in the world: he went from pinch runner/utility man/member of the hands team to Chairman of the Board at Children 4 Tomorrow, a small non-profit based in Houston that works to prevent emotional and mental abuse in children. He also works as athletic director of Xavier Educational Academy, which is also in Houston. Finally, according to his LinkedIn, Charles also recently returned from working in the Middle East to develop morale, welfare, and recreational programs for the military and civilians. That’s awesome. Go Charles.

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