Simsisms of May

As you well know, we at MM absolutely love Ners broadcaster Dave Sims. He has one of the best spirits in the game, has an extensive knowledge of baseball history, and is a pretty good broadcaster to boot. But there’s one thing in particular we love about Dave…he has a – well, let’s just call it a “tendency for the obscure.” At least a few times a game, you’re gonna hear something weird come out of Dave’s mouth. We call them “Simsisms,” a tongue-twister of a word to label the brain-twister phrases he lets loose here and there. Every month, MM breaks down the best Simsisms that we heard. We can’t catch them all (if you hear one, please let us know!) but the ones we do catch are normally pretty darn good. The top 5 Simsisms from May are:

#5: May 17

“The Mariners’ disabled list looks like the Manhattan phonebook.”

Classic Dave. He clearly wanted to find another way to reference something being packed, and landed on the Manhattan phonebook. Which left us thinking: does the Mariners’ broadcaster still use phonebooks?

#4: May 2

“Storage almost full! Storage almost full!”

If I told you that Mike Trout’s trophy case could be compared to an iPhone nearing its storage capacity because it’s so full, would you believe me? Dave Sims would.

“Hopefully it’s one that he can just rub out later tonight.” (5.30)

#3: May 30

“Hopefully it’s one that he can just rub out later tonight.”

Two things about this one worry the hell out of us. First, if Dave doesn’t know what “rub one out” can also mean, that’s alarming. Second, if he does know – and still chose to use it as a reference to Ben Gamel finding a way to heal a small injury – that’s really alarming.

#2: May 3

“Dan! Ya need oxygen, pal? How heavy was that piano?!”

As an “On this date in history” highlight showed the ever-famous image of Dan Wilson rounding the bases for his inside-the-park-grand-slam, Dave decided not to comment on the awesomeness of the situation or the obscurity of the feat…but instead on Wilson’s apparent fatigue. And how does one normally do that? Bang – you got it: carrying a piano.

#1: May 11

“One of the many streetcars here in Toronto…

and as far as I know, none of them are named Desire.”

This one brought us to our knees. Absolutely nothing extra was required in this broadcasting bit – a simple set-up shot before an inning, in which advertisements flashed over b-roll of the Toronto light-rail system. Yet at times these can bring the best out of Dave, for there always comes that awkward ten or so seconds after the sponsors disappear, and just the b-roll remains. Dave always feels like it’s necessary to fill this time with some sort of joke, or clever comment. In this case, streetcars cued up a Tennessee Williams play. Stellaaaaa!!!

#Simsisms