Simsisms of April

We at MM absolutely love Ners broadcaster Dave Sims. He has one of the best spirits in the game, has an extensive knowledge of baseball history, and is a pretty good broadcaster to boot. But there’s one thing in particular we love about Dave…he has a – well, let’s just call it a “tendency for the obscure.” At least a few times a game, you’re gonna hear something weird come out of Dave’s mouth. We call them “Simsisms,” a tongue-twister of a word to label the brain-twister phrases he lets loose here and there. Every month, MM will break down the best Simsisms that we heard. We can’t catch them all (if you hear one, please let us know!) but the ones we do catch are normally pretty darn good. The top 5 Simsisms from April are:

#5 April 12, Bottom

“Fiers is just a little bit on the deliberate side…if you wanna finish that last chapter of War and Peace, you may want to get it out.”

Bang bang! Take that, Mike Fiers! In an attempt to poke fun of the Astro for taking more time between pitches time than any other pitcher in the league, Dave reached back – way back – and landed on Tolstoy. Next time I want to make fun of someone for being slow at something, I’m absolutely making a War & Peace reference. Real zinger – from the top rope!

#4 April 12, Bottom 1

“Was looking for Poss Adam and Little Joe Cartwright

to get off that train!”

One archetype of Dave’s is his tendency to use references that are far too archaic for most of his viewers to understand what the hell he’s talking about. This particular instance occurred during a set-up shot of an antique train rolling through Greenfield Village, just outside of Detroit. It left me thinking: 1) Who the hell are Poss Adam and Little Joe Cartwright? When my Google search landed me on Bonanza, I then thought: 2) Does Dave Sims secretly love old network westerns?

#3 April 18, Bottom 6

“Charlie Manuel – great man…dependable like the railroad.”

Dave was just hot for the railroad this month, I guess. While describing Carlos Ruiz’ nickname (“Chooch”), he drifted off to his old manager, Charlie Manuel. Apparently Dave knew Charlie. Apparently Charlie Manuel is dependable. Apparently the railroad is also dependable? Idk.

#2 April 25, Top 6

“Boy, here’s mrzoombiya, crushin’ one – deep left-center field, and it’s gone! A home run for Jarrod Dyson, his first as a Mariner!”

This one looks okay at first. Yea, referencing Dyson by his twitter is handle is a bit weird, but it normally wouldn’t cut top 5 Simsisms. But there’s a catch here: Jean Segura hit this home run.

#1 April 27, Top 6

“We can recreate a scene from My Cousin Vinny: ‘Uh, yer honor! ...These two youths crashed out there…shoulda been a base hit!’”

This one is just vintage Dave. While discussing a Cruz double that was ruled to be an error, Sims tried to come up with a clever analogy on the spot – and failed, mightily. There’s a good 7-second pause after ‘Uh, yer honor!’ in which we can hear his gears turning, realizing that he might have gotten himself into a hole on this one. The next 3 words out of his mouth probably cued a palm-to-face from Blowers next to him. But for real…shoulda been a base hit.

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